It forms the foundation on which feelings of safety and security rest. It validates the belief that the other person appreciates the connection and sees it as something valuable.
Trust breeds confidence.
But it can also be broken. And once the damage is done, it’s not always easy to regain the trust you once had… though, it’s not impossible.
With commitment and consistency, you can rebuild trust and restore your connection. Of course, it takes more than talk. You’ll have to back up your words with affirmative actions.
Behaviors Vital for Restoring Your Connection and Trust
1. Demonstrate Remorse
True remorse is more than feeling bad about the consequences of your actions. It means feeling bad about your motives as well. How do you demonstrate remorse? First, refrain from making excuses or shift the blame on your partner. Take responsibility. Second, offer a heartfelt apology for the specific offense(s) you committed and ask for forgiveness. Then, do everything possible in your power to make amends for the damage your behavior caused. But it doesn’t stop with a one-time apology. Your remorse needs to continue being visible in your whole behavior, all the time.
2. Show Empathy
Listen to one another. Really listen. And allow each other to freely talk about your feelings on the matter. If you were the one offended, it’s obvious and understandable that you carry a lot of hurt feelings. But try showing some restraint and don’t shout or use abusive language. You must both remember that the main purpose of talking about your feelings on the issue is to repair the bridge that broke down between you. If you were the offender, helping to heal that breach means you will have to show empathy and a lot of understanding in return. Only then can you help keep the lines of communication open and demonstrate to your partner that it’s safe to talk about their feelings, no matter how hard it is for you to hear their expressions.
3. Manifest honesty
At first, you may both have trouble discussing the matter as openly and honestly as you need to work through the problem and connect again. But eventually, you have to recognize how important honesty is – with yourself and each other. No more hiding behind lies, partial truths, or omitting facts. Be candid and forthright, but not callously harsh. If you were the offender, be ready to provide assurances to alleviate worries about any further misconduct. Openly talk about what made you behave the way you did, the personal struggles you may have, and your need and willingness to get help for them.
4. Maintain integrity
You think showing that you’re trustworthy is only important when you’re dealing with your partner? Think again. As mentioned before, your change of behavior has to be visible all the time, everywhere. When you’re an open book and show yourself to be dependable and upright with everybody, your partner can observe your character. It gives them a better indication of whether it’s safe for them to trust you once again.
5. Seek Intimacy
Intimacy creates bonds. It doesn’t just include sexual intimacy but, emotional intimacy. A closeness and connection between the two of you. A deep understanding of one another. When trust has been destroyed, intimacy is often lacking. How can you look for opportunities to establish intimacy? Express your appreciation for your partner’s qualities and actions. Give sincere verbal and physical assurance of your love for them. Ask what changes of behavior your partner wants to see in you that will help them regain trust. That may include such things as cutting off certain relationships, more time together, or even professional counseling.
6. Have patience
Rebuilding trust doesn’t happen overnight. It requires time and effort, repeated and consistent actions. Don’t pressure your partner or yourself to live as if everything was back to normal too soon. Eventually, you’ll get there and both be satisfied with the changes in your relationship and the connection you once again have. You’ll have successfully rebuild your trust and regained a sense of security. Your patience will have paid off.
When you do bad things to yourself or your partner, you can lose everything that is precious to you. Sometimes, it may feel like it’s impossible to get it back. But rebuilding your trust and restoring your connection is within your reach. Still, it doesn’t just require a firm decision, it requires a complete change in behavior. Are you ready to make it?
