What Do Sex Addicts Share When It’s Time to Tell “All”?
The time to tell “all” is known as formal disclosure. It symbolically represents a new beginning in the process of rebuilding a couple’s connection. For that reason, it is a major piece in the recovery of a mutually respectful relationship dynamic. To ensure that both are ready for this step, formal disclosure usually doesn’t take place until 3-6 months into the recovery process. This gives the sex addict some time to stay “sober” and process their own actions. This permits a more complete and honest disclosure. Usually, the addict very...
read moreHow to Prepare for Your Partner’s Formal Disclosure
Sexual betrayal is a complex issue. Your partner may at first have tried to minimize their behavior. Perhaps they were worried you would leave them if you knew the whole truth. You, on the other hand, may have pummeled them with question after question. Perhaps you felt completely confused and overwhelmed by the revelation of their betrayal. As a couple trying to make sense of what happened, your approach may have been disorganized and fruitless. You weren’t able to handle it on your own. Muddling through your raw emotions didn’t help either...
read more5 Ways Formal Disclosure Protects the Relationship You Want to Rebuild
Formal disclosure. The moment when everything will be laid bare. There are wounds on both sides. Now, you’re supposed to expose them. That can be a formidable obstacle for both the addict and the partner. It’s no small step. But formal disclosure can also be the greatest moment of cleansing. The moment when all secrets are discarded and only truth is left. The beginning of a new start. Are you worried about a formal disclosure? Have you perhaps avoided it to protect yourself from more pain? Would it surprise you to hear that by failing to...
read moreDisclosure: Why Telling Your Partner “Everything” Must Be a Formal Process
If you’re a sex addict, you may rightly wonder, “Why would I ever want to tell my partner everything?” If you’re the partner of a sex addict, you may wonder just the same, “Why would I ever want to hear everything?” Both questions are certainly understandable. After all, full disclosure is a very serious and difficult process. However, couples who have gone through it often feel it was worth it. Why? Because information revealed in fits and starts can be far more upsetting to the partner. It can actually prevent real healing from starting....
read moreYour Brain, Reward Pathways, and Addiction: What You Need to Know
Are you struggling to overcome an addiction? Or are you trying to help someone do so? Either way, you’ve probably very quickly come to understand how difficult it is. In fact, the Latin root of the word “addiction” means “enslaved by” or “bound to.” How true and fitting those expressions are! An addict is enslaved or shackled to their cravings, wanting the object of their addiction—drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, shopping, eating, etc—more than anything else, even if they don’t like its effect on their life as a whole. Eventually, they lose...
read more6 Crucial Behaviors that Rebuild Trust & Restore Your Connection
All healthy relationships are built on trust. It forms the foundation on which feelings of safety and security rest. It validates the belief that the other person appreciates the connection and sees it as something valuable. Trust breeds confidence. But it can also be broken. And once the damage is done, it’s not always easy to regain the trust you once had… though, it’s not impossible. With commitment and consistency, you can rebuild trust and restore your connection. Of course, it takes more than talk. You’ll have to back up your words with...
read moreHow Solid Boundaries Builds Better Trust In and Can Repair Your Relationship
Some people hear the word “boundary” and only think of it as a restriction of their freedom. But quite the opposite is true. Boundaries are about safety and protection. Think about the boundaries you deal with in everyday life – traffic laws, sports rules, work regulations, medicine administration, tool and appliance operations, and toxicity warnings, to name a few. These boundaries help you to stay healthy and safe under various circumstances. Personal boundaries concerning relationships are no different. They help you control what you will...
read moreBetrayal Trauma: First Steps to Facing the Truth and Finding Relief
Betrayal trauma is the direct result of disloyalty and a violation of trust. It is an interpersonal trauma that shatters your reality – the way you viewed your life and the people closest to you. It causes feelings of profound devastation – numbness, inability to trust, shame, shock, self-blame, or withdrawal. But it also leads to outbursts of anger and rage, irritability, anxiety, unhealthy eating patterns, or an increased need to control everything. Instead of a safe haven in times of stress, you now perceive your relationship as a source...
read moreBetrayal Trauma: Why Therapy is a Vital Part of Healing
Betrayal is a violation of trust. It’s an act of disloyalty, a deception, a breach of confidence. Betrayal comes in many forms. In a relationship, it most often means that one partner had an affair or committed another act of unfaithfulness. Betrayal trauma is the direct result of this violation of confidence and failure of loyalty. But it isn’t so much the act of infidelity that causes the deepest and most lasting damage. It’s the profound sense of emotional devastation. The anguish, grief, resentment, and raw anger that the shattering of...
read moreNeuroplasticity: How Addiction Alters Your Brain and Why Recovery is Possible
Your brain is a flexible, inventive, and responsive organ. It is designed to accommodate fundamental and rapid changes through learning experiences. And it has the amazing potential to compensate for injury. This changeable and resilient quality is called neuroplasticity. All learning processes begin here. For example, when you participate in new behavior, practice new skills, or explore new thoughts more and more neural pathways form. Each time you repeat the same things, those pathways become stronger. Their memory imprints deep in your...
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