- Is your partner struggling with an Internet or sex addiction?
- Have you recently learned of his or her addiction and feel angry and confused?
- Are you struggling to understand your partner’s behaviors?
- Do you feel betrayed by your partner and wonder if you can ever trust him or her again?
- Do you wish you could feel stability in your world again?
If you have recently discovered that your partner is an addict, you might feel as though your entire world has been turned upside down. You may feel like you don’t know your partner at all and wonder what else he or she has been hiding. Maybe you are haunted by flashbacks to the moment of discovery or other events related to your partner’s addiction, especially if it involves sexual infidelity – whether through porn or physical partners.
Perhaps you feel obsessed with trying to learn everything you can about your partner’s addiction and behaviors. You might be blaming yourself and searching for the things you could have done differently. Or, you might feel incredibly angry and doubt that your relationship can ever be repaired. Maybe you don’t know if you can ever forgive your partner and feel entirely lost.
If Your Partner Struggles With Addiction, You Are Not Alone
Many people have issues with addiction, which often impacts the well-being of those around them. Partners of addicts often face profound emotional and mental challenges as they learn about their partners’ behaviors. If you feel angry, confused, and even scared, you are not alone. If you have just found out about your partner’s addiction and related behaviors, it is normal to experience upheaval and question everything you thought you knew.
After discovering a partner’s addiction, partners of addicts often must deal with the affects of a trauma. When the world seems unsteady, you might begin to believe that your whole life is lost and hopeless. However, this is not the case. With help, you can rebuild a world for yourself and reclaim your identity and your future.
Therapy Can Help Partners of Addicts Recover From Trauma
With the help of a qualified therapist, you can begin to redevelop self-confidence and trust. I am trained in addiction therapy with an emphasis on supporting partners of addicts. In sessions, I follow a trauma-based model to help you work through your grief and confusion. I am hear to listen to you, provide respect and support, and help you understand your partner’s addiction.
Your partner’s addiction and behaviors are not your fault. If your partner has committed infidelity online or in real life, you may think that you could have prevented his or her actions by being different. In sessions, I can help you understand that you could not have changed your partner or stopped his or her compulsive behaviors. But, you can begin to make positive changes in your life to work through your own healing.
Your partner may or may not be in treatment as well. Even if you partner does not seem willing to stop his or her compulsive behaviors, therapy can help you as an individual. Your well-being is not dependent on your partner’s well-being. In sessions, you can work through your own trauma and find the peace to move forward in your life. I can also help you develop the skills to provide support for your partner as he or she begins addiction treatment.
You may be feeling angry and depressed. These are normal feelings, but you don’t have to experience pain for the rest of your life. Your relationship doesn’t have to be haunted by your partner’s past behaviors. Through therapy, you can begin to heal and see your potential for a positive future.
You may feel that you can benefit from therapy, but still might have questions or concerns…
My Partner Has the Problem. Why Should I Go to Therapy?
You may feel like your partner is the one who should be taking care of the pain he or she has caused, not you. But, partners of addicts can benefit tremendously from therapy. While your actions did not cause the pain you are experiencing, the pain is still real. You can find healing through talking about the issues and emotions that your partner’s addiction has uncovered.
I’m So Angry. How Can I Ever Forgive My Partner?
When you feel intense anger, it can seem impossible to forgive. In sessions, you and I can begin to work through your anger using different techniques. You may need to take time away from your partner to create space to breathe and consider what has happened. And, in sessions, you can have the time you need to release your emotions in healthy ways. Your anger is normal, but if you allow it to grow unchecked, it can be harmful to your well-being now and in the future. Therapy can help you find forgiveness and the capacity to move forward.
How Can I Ever Trust My Partner Again?
You may feel as though everything in your relationship has been a lie, and you cannot trust your partner – even as he or she claims to be disclosing everything. Perhaps you don’t know if you can believe that your partner is getting better. In therapy, we can discuss a few options to help you rebuild trust. For example, you could ask your partner to take a polygraph test to show that he or she is telling the truth.
I encourage you to remember that actions so often reveal the truth more than words do. Often, addicts live in a verbal reality and believe that what they say is the truth, even if their behaviors contradict their words. But, positive behaviors are good indicators of internal change. If your partner is acting differently and avoiding his or her addictions, you may be able to see his or her improvement.
Like Other Partners of Addicts, You Can Find Healing
Learning that your partner has lied to you can be incredibly difficult. But you don’t need to live in pain forever. With help, you can begin to set your world right again.
I invite you to call me at 732-806-5630 or to contact me through my website to learn more about help for partners of addicts and my practice.